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There is within this woman a song.  A simple song. Waiting. Like that coiled spring hoping to release its haunting melody to the world.  A song of life; a song of love;  a song of journey.

I have begun to realize there is another world within my Bible that belongs to the depths of my heart.  This is ONLY THE BEGINNING of the journey.  The sharing of this journey is not created by your request but by my realizing one should walk the path set before them not of their own desires, nor that of someone else,  but of His desire.  This comes from a beautiful understanding of what, when, how and why I was created.  It grabs ahold of me in places that I didn’t know existed and have so deeply buried beneath a world of survival.  It isn’t flowery; it isn’t mushy; it isn’t always a sound of incredible beauty.   Sometimes in the smush of the chord there is an unintentional beauty, yes; nonetheless, it carries itself with determination and revelation. It isn’t full of huge epiphanies or a self proclaiming greater wisdom. It just seems to flow out of an everlasting fountain of life.

It is, by its very own nature, a song of the journey of a woman who walks on a path that sheds no light beyond that of the lamp at her feet.  The last note is unknown. The crescendos rise and fall.  I pray there is no thing in me that would dare to look at others along the path and pat myself on the back. I pray that I do not have or present any preconceived notion that I know all, am all or can be all during the high note trills. I pray that I find and hold onto “humble” in the low rumbles.  For so many of us, it is the internal that needs the darkness dredged up and sent to the pits of hell.   It is not what is presented on the outside.  for me at this moment the journey is a cleansing and refreshing of the whole of me.  Just me.  You are involved in this journey insofar as you choose to follow along or simply hold my hand along the way.

A while back at the handing over of some of my husband’s family heirlooms from his grandmother there was found, of all things she had kept, a newspaper article highlighting my high school exploits.  This article was yellowed and fragile, which tells you this was many, many years ago.  Simply won’t admit how many……  The point is, I was reminded that the essence of who I am is not what is different today.  What is different is how I see that, what form it has taken in me and what impact it is now having on my life. What is different is Him.  What is different is that I can’t and won’t be defined by another’s strengths or weaknesses.  I am my own in Christ Jesus.

Well, some of that earlier sounded pretty nasty didn’t it?  Forgive me. Unintended heartache is never pretty but the truth is – God is sovereign and His truth reigns supreme.  He sees beyond the definition of who you think I should be or for that matter, who you think you should be.  I am not defined by anything other than what He places before me and within me.  He has given me a song. A song of my identity in Him.  I am created woman, yet without Him; without His Son on the Cross I am nothing. And He loves me.  Out of His sovereignty comes this breath taking, undefinable love that consumes the whole of my being.

He has given me a song to sing.  It has no lilting melody nor driving bass.  It has no rhyme nor reason to the placement of the notes.  Yet it is a song.  The chords ring true to the beauty of His sound, not mine.  Some days I ride the wave and hang on for dear life as the beat is hammered out like a banging tom tom. Other days I rest nestled in the poignant silence of simply listening.  It is like staring out the window at a gentle rain and knowing there is a sound but you can’t hear it.  You just know the sound is there.

The whole of the song will come…….one note at a time.