In November 2007 under circumstances of God restoring a relationship with one of my daughters I found myself writing this letter to that daughter. For me this was not just a letter, but a prayer for and to my daughter. You might not see it that way but I did and still do. This daughter and I are again estranged, however my own advice to her here is another one of those lessons the Lord is bringing to remembrance for me NOW. Not a “pity party” this time but a beautiful reminder of hope in Christ in all things.
Your e-mail today with the pictures spoke volumes of where you are in your faith. You may not recognize it but you are truly walking in the blessing God wants for you. I know it is hard to be patient and wait for His timing in things but He will work all things out to His purposes.
There is a scripture that say God desires to give us the desires of our heart. (Psalms 37:4)
And it is true, He does. Sometimes what we think are the desires of our heart – aren’t really the desires of our heart. I think the hardest thing I have had in my walk was impatience. Until I learned to hear God saying “You want it WHEN?” with laughter in His voice.
My whole point of saying that is – just remember because the desire of your heart is to see your husband saved – it will be, in God’s timing. You cannot make it happen. I know that renewing your vows would be very important. But wouldn’t it be so much better if your husband had given his heart to the Lord and you could both commit to a true covenant marriage the way God designed it? Believe me – it makes a difference. When I have more time, or when I can actually talk to you I will tell you what happened in the church the night my husband and I renewed our vows in a true covenant ceremony and what happened to us because of it. It is truly a blessed story. I will send you a copy of the covenant vows we used. The whole thing was beautiful.
You have spoken often of the tears you have shed. Let’s visit that first. God moves us to tears in many situations. (I shared your e-mail today with my entire office and they were all in tears (even the big boss). But from those people they were tears of joy for you in your walk. Tears can be a sign that you are in the process of healing among other things. Don’t worry about them. There is a Jewish story about tears that I find interesting. (I changed the Jewish words to ones you understand) It follows:
Once a distraught, recently widowed woman came to him and cried uncontrollably. All of his efforts to console her were of no avail. Finally the widow said that she would accept consolation if he could please answer the following question.
“Please tell me what happened to all of my tears? I prayed and prayed for my late husband, I recited chapter after chapter of Psalms, and shed thousands upon thousands of tears. My very soul flowed into those tears. Were they all wasted?”
Gently, Rav Aryeh replied, “After many years, when you will leave this world and ascend to the heavenly tribunal, you will see how meaningful and precious your tears were. You will discover that God Himself gathered them in and counted every single teardrop and treasured it like a priceless gem. And you will discover that, whenever some harsh and evil decree was looming over your precious loved ones, one of your tears came and washed the evil away, making it null and void. Even one sincere tear is a source of salvation!”
Hearing this the woman burst into a fresh flow of tears – not tears of sorrow and grief, but tears of courage and hope.
Another one –
After Adam and Eve had been banished from the Garden of Eden, God saw that they were penitent and took their fall very much to heart. And as He is a Compassionate Father, He said to them gently:
“Unfortunate children! I have punished you for your sin and have driven you out of the Garden of Eden where you were living without care and great well-being. Now you are about to enter into a world of sorrow and trouble, the like of which staggers the imagination. However, I want you to know that My benevolence and My love for you will never end. I know that you will meet with a much tribulation in the world, and that it will embitter your lives. For this reason I give you out of My heavenly treasure this priceless pearl. Look! It is a tear! And when grief overtakes you and your heart aches so that you are not able to endure it, and great anguish grips your soul, then there will fall from your eyes this tiny tear. Your burden will grow lighter then.”
When Adam and Eve heard these words sorrow overcame them. Tears welled up in their eyes, rolled down their cheeks and fell to earth.
And it was these tears of anguish that first moistened the earth. Adam and Eve left them as a precious inheritance to their children. And since then, whenever a human being is in great trouble and his heart aches and his spirit is oppressed, the tears begin to flow from his eyes. And lo! The gloom is lifted. (Bear in mind these are stories, not scripture)
I love the one about Adam and Eve. So when you cry, no matter the reason, think of it as a cleansing of your soul. We are body, soul, and spirit. (1Th 5:23 May the God of peace himself make you holy in every way. And may your whole being-spirit, soul, and body-be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. ) Our spirit cries for others, our soul cries for us. Our body is the physicalness of who we are. Our soul is the flesh (humanness-or worldliness) in us. You are simply cleansing the soul to make room for the Holy Spirit to move in and take over the soul. Notice in the Adam and Eve story above that it says “and his spirit is oppressed”. That should be our desire: To have no room for the flesh but only for things of the Spirit. Our soul should be the one oppressed, not our spirit. Do you understand what I mean?
You know it is so hard to be so far away at this moment in time. I have so much I would love to share with you and to help you understand. Just know I am here for any question no matter how stupid or irrelevant you might think it is. I remember when I first became a Christian I was so full of wonder, and so full of questions. Actually I still am and think I always will be. I am here for you to talk to, to pray with, to be your mom. OK?
I love your story about the raccoons. That is exactly what I meant when I said look for God in everything. He will speak to us. Maybe not audibly, but with anything available. If he can use an ass in the bible he can use anything. he may just give you a picture, as he did with the raccoons. The important thing is you “got it”. You got what He was showing you.
Oh dear child – I am so proud of you and your walk with Christ. There will come a day when you will surely recognize all the ways and days and times that God has watched over you. Even when you didn’t know him. Cherish your relationship with Him for that is what will give you promise of hope in this life. Seek His face dear daughter. Don’t ever settle for less. I entreat you now – seek Him with all your heart and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I love you much.
As always, my notes/comments will be in orange. I have changed only the names that were in the original letter. I post this as a reminder to me but also to those who may be in this place or situation, to those who may only have this way of communication with a child, and to those precious Saints who have tears in their heart. God Bless you this beautiful day!