AUTHOR’S NOTE AND INTRODUCTION
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” What a statement! Yet do we truly know the meaning of the word scorned? The popular acceptance of the definition of this word is “rejected”. Yet – look at this. The definition of scorn (definitions, synonyms, contrasted words and antonyms all taken from the American Heritage® Dictionary of English Language, Fourth Edition and the Merriam-Webster on-line dictionary) is as follows:
a. Contempt or disdain felt toward a person or object considered
despicable or unworthy
b. The expression of such an attitude in behavior or speech; derision
2. One spoken of or treated with contempt
v. Scorned, scorning, scorns
1. To consider or treat as contemptible or unworthy
2. To reject or refuse with derision
Synonyms: contempt, disdain, disrespect, disparagement, ridicule, condescend, disapproval, disregard, abhor, despise, mock
Contrasted Words: accept, acknowledge, welcome
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. This timeworn phrase gives new meaning to what is happening and has happened in my life. These trials have caused me to evaluate this entire phrase in such a way as to dissect it and make sense of it. I believe my own actions and feelings fall within the parameters of this statement, yet go beyond what these eight words can really mean.
For me this book is about healing – not about being scorned. I would have all women, if it was within my power, be the beautiful creation God intended them to be. I would have them fulfill the desires of their heart with no pain or trials along the pathway.
Having gone through a divorce and in a separated state in my second marriage, I have come to wonder what is wrong with me. I have taken to reading any and all books I can get my hands on that “tell me how to be better.” I have beaten myself up to the extent that on many days I can’t find the beautiful spirit flowing through me. Yet, into my brokenness, pain and hurting heart has been poured the gift of healing. Whatever words flow into the creation of this book are for me healing words, placed inside of me by a loving, forgiving Heavenly Father who still sees me as His little princess. “Abba, My Father, your embrace will carry me through the season of change I now face and I know with all my heart I will come out victorious at the end of my trial. Not victorious in that I am always right but victorious in knowing your grace and mercy are my light.”
My husband, whom I love with all my heart, has reiterated to me over and over that the problem lies with me and me alone. He brought me a book to read; the “new hottest book on the market”, written by a prominent radio show host. His implication being that I would see myself completely in this book and therefore I would make my marriage what it should be.
In the beginning, just glancing through this book, I felt it was a “wife bashing” book. I couldn’t get past page 16 of the first chapter. Consequently, I gave it to a local counselor I knew and requested that he review it and give me his opinion on whether I should read this book or not. The counselor returned the book to me and said keep reading, the presentation is horrible but the principles are there. (Principles of loving and caring for each other – with which I agree by the way)
I took his advice and began reading. I spent a lonely Monday evening reading about half of the book, in tears the entire time. Suffice it to say this book, “a cure-all” according to my husband, left me feeling degraded, unloved, not worthy of human contact and finally, questioning myself “Who Am I”? “How can I be such a horrible person in the eyes and heart of the man I love?”
My husband’s opinion of me matters greatly and in a subsequent conversation with him as he gently questioned me on my thoughts as I read this book; I dared to reveal how this book made me feel as a wife and as a woman. I then in turn asked what he thought. His response was that he saw himself on every page of the book. Imagine how devastating that was to my “wifely ego”. I then wondered how could he love someone who was so horrible and immediately felt worthless, degraded, and unlovable all over again.
There is good news however. I kept reading the book. After the initial “shock” of what the author of that book thinks of wives and of women in general I began to look at this book in a different light. I am a Christian who believes in the saving grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and I wondered in my heart what Jesus’ response would be to such a book. I came to my own conclusion that He wouldn’t like it very much. Not because of what you must read between the lines (the Biblical principles), those are on target, but because of His great love for us He would never present things in such a way as to cause hurt and suffering.
I will not represent to you that I am perfect. Far from it! I too have changes to make, much to make amends for and a desire to be a better wife, a better woman, and a greater guardian of the gifts of grace and mercy our Lord and Savior rains down on us. As in all things, the process of healing is in His time and His will, not ours.
I am sure that there are those out there who will vehemently disagree with me. So be it. I am one woman who is struggling to bring her life to a fulfillment of who she is as a wife and a woman, to strive to be who God created her to be and yet trying to figure out how to balance and bring into sync the husband/wife role, the Christian/Natural World role of women and the all consuming question I believe many women ask: Do I count too?
I don’t have the resources available to present to you the percentages of how many women feel one way or the other, nor do I have the ability and training to psychoanalyze all relationships. What I do have is my own personal experience and it is time I believe, to share this with people (not just women) in order that they might gain some small insight into themselves, find the desire to grasp the destiny God has predestined for them, and to be the best they can be for themselves and those they share their lives with.
Read on – feel free to write in this book. Your angry thoughts, your hurts, your needs, your joys and sorrows, they all matter. I in no way feel this book will salvage or revitalize innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating or even seemingly dead marriages. I do believe this book will help you think, re-evaluate and perhaps change those things that are in you that need to be changed and come to understand that the old cliché – “it takes two” – holds true both biblically and secularly. If one life can be touched and started on the direction towards healing then we all benefit.
God Bless You and May the Winds of His Spirit Carry You Through All Things.
Chapter 1 next time – Blessings